In just a week, 7 days, I will be starting the recovery phase of this mandarin thing! I'm apprehensive and a bit concerned. I'm not scared about the actual mass being anything but benign. However, I'm having brain surgery and that is what has me thinking. Maybe I'm thinking too much!
I've come to a lot of conclusions about myself, self reflection has been one of the toughest things with this. I know (and am so happy)that I'm not in a battle of my life (ca...er and all) but for me (for us) this has been a change in our behaviors and thinking. Accepting help, because I'm the do'er/helper, has been the hardest. Is it pride? Is it stubborn? How do I learn to say 'yes' to help instead of 'yes' to doing? I've come a long way in 3 weeks, believe me. Being able to accept is something that is learned and I'm getting there. My boundaries are changing too. What am I willing to do? Help with? My help is mostly in the form or phone calls or texting now to friends and extended family. I'd love to help more but at this point my focus is far more me (oh dear!) and my family centered. Rant over.
Thank you to my sister, Jo-Ann, for setting up a meal plan for us. What an amazing gift to come home after football pick up daily to a warm meal and only a few dishes to do. This was a huge jump for me to accept. I can muddle through and make it daily, can't I? By afternoon, I'm ready for bed and not having to work on dinner and the big mess is such a gift. My biggest concern with this diagnosis was that Sarah (our sweet 18yo daughter) would be forced to become a housewoman/mom-ish/do'er. She's a great help but works and goes to school as well. Thanks Jo for looking after us!!
So, in a week I'll be at RCH covering. I'm excited to get going and in a few months be back to my old self, albeit with new boundaries and a few new strategies to not be the 'all' to everyone.
Have a wonderful day everyone!!
xo
Friday, September 27, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Today
When we parted, I headed over to the big park in our city, Mill Lake. I sat in a lovely shaded spot facing the lake and away from the noise to watch the ducks and geese cruising the area. I've never just sat in a park to think, meditate, contemplate or do nothing at all. This has got to be part of my routine now!
Today, I was contacted the pre-op clinic at RCH and have my appointments for blood work and anesthesiologist on Sept 30th. So thankful to my amazing husband, Dwayne, for driving into the Dr office the other day. Until he did that they still hadn't committed to a date. The booking clerk informed me today that they had just received my paperwork this morning. Thank you, my love, for taking such good care of me!
Also, last night a friend showed up with dinner. An amazing friend!! The best beef borscht I've every tasted with extra long cooked bone broth (so good for our bodies) and their home grown red cabbage. She's a fantastic cook and we were extra blessed to have dinner from her. Thanks Connie!
Sunshine and happiness!
Diane
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Surgery date
After trying to contact the neurosurgeon office today for an hour (line busy constantly), Dwayne got frustrated and drove from Abbotsford to New Westminster and waltzed into the office. He spoke to Dr M who confirmed I have a surgery date for Oct 3rd. At least it's a date!
So, 2 more weeks of waiting and managing some symptoms. To avoid being bumped the day of, I'm to show up in emergency on Oct 2nd and stay the night. I'll be in for pre-op next week, making it harder to be bumped.
That's it. A date. A plan. Still moving forward!
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Tough day
Today's been a tough one. For some reason I can't get my headache under control. A few doses of Tylenol and still nothing. I'm extra dizzy today and off balance too. My right eye is increasingly sensitive to light and the pain with just moving it is, well, painful. I spent the majority of the day resting, watching movies and having a nap. It's nice to not have to be somewhere today.
Laundry beckons, so I've folded the huge pile of clean clothes and now maybe another nap! Perhaps a wander down the driveway for some fresh air...maybe.
Dwayne is going to call the neuro office tomorrow to see if I can get help with my headache, and get on the docket for this Thursday, fingers crossed! I don't know what's going on with my pain but it's not something I want to deal with much longer.
Hope you were able to get out and enjoy some sun and fresh air!
Cheers!!
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Headaches and meds and no news, oh my!
As Friday came to a close, I had not been contacted for a surgery date, and having left a message for the neurosurgeons office, now I just need to wait. There is still a good possibility that this Thursday could be surgery or Oct 3rd (the Dr is away on the 25th). Patience....I'm working on it!
My medications are working well to keep the majority of my headaches away with only an occasional break-through advil/tylenol dose to fully rid my pain. That's not bad considering I was up to 14 doses a day before my diagnosis (there will be a liver cleanse when I'm recovered!). My nights of sleep aren't fully sound but that's been going on for months so as long as I can sleep a full 5-6 hours then I'm golden!
Last night, Dwayne and I cheered on Cam's Sr football team at the home opener. They trounced Howe Sound at 46-6 (or something close as I lost count of all the touchdowns!). I'd chosen proxy 'yellers' as my head was pounding and while I didn't want to miss the game, I didn't miss the hollering!! My right eye is far more sensitive to light and is quite painful but my sunglasses (cool factor!) help keep that at bay.
This weekend is a quiet one for us. I'm thankful that we can just rest in the moments for a bit. We, as a family, haven't really had a chance to just be together since all of this madness started. Maybe tomorrow I won't even need to change into 'going-to-town' clothes!!
I hope you're out enjoying family, friends, fresh air and good times today!
Diane
xo
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Update from today
Good evening friends!
Today was a good day. Another day of discovery and a day to have loads of questions answered. Dwayne and I met with the neurosurgeon today, Dr. M, who was very confident. That's exactly what I want in my neurosurgeon: confidence!!!
We started with looking at the most recent scan images (from Friday's MRI) where it was apparent that I clearly have a tumor the size of a small orange in my head. We moved on to how he would remove the tumor and where the incision and bone removal would be. I was paying such close attention to the actual areas of the incision, that I didn't hear him explain that it would be like removing an orange from the inside out: soft centre first, with outer "rind" last. When we got in the car later, Dwayne was very surprised that he'd used that lingo, because we call it a Mandarin. Funny!
Dr. M said a few times that it was likely benign, however that will be confirmed during the surgery. He also stated that the location of Mandarin is "very lucky". Easy to access and not attached to a major motor center or other critical hard to reach area of the brain. There are of course risks, "It IS brain surgery", he said. Some of the risks are so low, that I'd have a better chance of being hit by a car, so we won't be dwelling on the risks. Actually, one thing he did say was I couldn't vacuum for 3 months following surgery (I'm going to roll that into dishes as well!!).
Surgery will happen within the next 2-4 weeks, depending on emergent cases (mine is urgent, not emergent). I will have 3-4 days in the hospital and then a month at home convalescing. I'll be required to have a CT Scan at 3 months and then at a year and every year for 5 years following. The likelihood of the meningioma reoccurring is very slim.
Meningioma in the right frontal temporal lobe. It's smiling for the camera!! It's changed the mid-line of my brain, no wonder I've been getting such bad headaches.
Sideview (eye in center, tumor to the top)
Thank you to everyone for the kind texts, messages, prayers and thoughts. It is amazing to be surrounded by love from so many wonderful friends!
Love
Diane xo
Today was a good day. Another day of discovery and a day to have loads of questions answered. Dwayne and I met with the neurosurgeon today, Dr. M, who was very confident. That's exactly what I want in my neurosurgeon: confidence!!!
We started with looking at the most recent scan images (from Friday's MRI) where it was apparent that I clearly have a tumor the size of a small orange in my head. We moved on to how he would remove the tumor and where the incision and bone removal would be. I was paying such close attention to the actual areas of the incision, that I didn't hear him explain that it would be like removing an orange from the inside out: soft centre first, with outer "rind" last. When we got in the car later, Dwayne was very surprised that he'd used that lingo, because we call it a Mandarin. Funny!
Dr. M said a few times that it was likely benign, however that will be confirmed during the surgery. He also stated that the location of Mandarin is "very lucky". Easy to access and not attached to a major motor center or other critical hard to reach area of the brain. There are of course risks, "It IS brain surgery", he said. Some of the risks are so low, that I'd have a better chance of being hit by a car, so we won't be dwelling on the risks. Actually, one thing he did say was I couldn't vacuum for 3 months following surgery (I'm going to roll that into dishes as well!!).
Surgery will happen within the next 2-4 weeks, depending on emergent cases (mine is urgent, not emergent). I will have 3-4 days in the hospital and then a month at home convalescing. I'll be required to have a CT Scan at 3 months and then at a year and every year for 5 years following. The likelihood of the meningioma reoccurring is very slim.
Meningioma in the right frontal temporal lobe. It's smiling for the camera!! It's changed the mid-line of my brain, no wonder I've been getting such bad headaches.
Sideview (eye in center, tumor to the top)
While this has me nervous, I'm not scared. Today's emotions were a bit raw, more real. Maybe because Dwayne was with me and I felt like I could just be in the moment. Maybe because now it's really real. It's not like it's brain surgery....oh wait...it is.
Thank you to everyone for the kind texts, messages, prayers and thoughts. It is amazing to be surrounded by love from so many wonderful friends!
Love
Diane xo
Friday, September 6, 2013
Ramblings of the day so far
Today was my MRI day. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy! Actually, it was quite restful and nice to just be walked through the hour or so without having to think or wonder.
My mom took me in and waited the time that I was occupied and my Uncle Jack showed up to lend support.
We stopped by the New West gluten free bakery that I love and then over to Burger Heaven for a crazy yummy lunch! It was nice to spend time today just in the moments of discovery. It's actually quite interesting. I don't feel different or sad or weird at all (but I'll use my brain issue to my advantage these days!). I kind of feel better, I know there's a reason for my headaches and that there is a fairly simply solution.
Dr appointment on Tuesday will tell us more and Dwayne will be with me for that one.
Cheers everyone! TGIF!
Diane
xo
My mom took me in and waited the time that I was occupied and my Uncle Jack showed up to lend support.
We stopped by the New West gluten free bakery that I love and then over to Burger Heaven for a crazy yummy lunch! It was nice to spend time today just in the moments of discovery. It's actually quite interesting. I don't feel different or sad or weird at all (but I'll use my brain issue to my advantage these days!). I kind of feel better, I know there's a reason for my headaches and that there is a fairly simply solution.
Dr appointment on Tuesday will tell us more and Dwayne will be with me for that one.
Cheers everyone! TGIF!
Diane
xo
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Thankful for medication
I am so very grateful for the meds I'm on now to keep the 'marching band' out of my head (as one friend put it so well!). Today is day 5 without a headache and I'm unsure how I managed before with such a pounding head all the time. Oh well, just happy to be pain free for the time being!
We've received such great notes on the blog, facebook and texts. THANK YOU to everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. While I know this is not a life threatening item, and many people face much worse things daily, this is our journey. How it plays out is not up to me (or us) but it is up to us to be positive and accepting.
Our kids are being super amazing and understanding (I'm sure there's a bit of doubt under the surface, but they don't let on!). Sarah is working and has started her dance teacher training so those keep her busy! Cam is back to school (gr 10) and is on the Junior Varsity and Varsity Football teams. There will be lots to tell you about those as the seasons progress!
My hubby, Dwayne, has been so wonderful and even though facing his own hectic schedule at work, his compartmentalize (is that a word??!) behavior allows him to be here and present in the evenings, unless he's traveling, like tonight!
I had a wonderful sit at the kitchen counter today with my dear friend for tea. I've missed having time with her and, really with everyone, as life has gotten more hectic. This is a chance to re-focus on what's important, truly important. If you're in our neck of the woods and would like me to make you some tea, shoot me a text or get ahold of me on FB. I'm not a good drop in's (is that a control thing Shirley?!) but I do love visits!
I had a wonderful sit at the kitchen counter today with my dear friend for tea. I've missed having time with her and, really with everyone, as life has gotten more hectic. This is a chance to re-focus on what's important, truly important. If you're in our neck of the woods and would like me to make you some tea, shoot me a text or get ahold of me on FB. I'm not a good drop in's (is that a control thing Shirley?!) but I do love visits!
That's all for now. Just a quick note about what's running in my head!
Cheers,
Diane
xo
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
MRI and follow-up dates
My MRI is booked for Friday the 6th at 9:30am. Neurologist follow-up is on Tuesday the 10th. Dwayne will be with me to take notes and ask questions. We'll figure out at that time what the next steps are. Not much more info than that, it's a start though.
Cheers!
Diane
Monday, September 2, 2013
Telling all, tough going.
Today, we (hubby and I) ventured out to talk to each of our parental units. While sharing crappy news is not at all nice, they all handled it so well. My dad said, "take this to heart, only the good die young so you'll be around for a while"....thanks Dad!
Today, we (hubby and I) ventured out to talk to each of our parental units. While sharing crappy news is not at all nice, they all handled it so well. My dad said, "take this to heart, only the good die young so you'll be around for a while"....thanks Dad!
With almost all of the siblings knowing, my sister still needs a visit tomorrow. I'm not trying to drag this out at all, I'd prefer to just send a mass text to everyone so I don't have to relive the words every time. Weird, maybe.
Tomorrow I find out when my MRI will be for more in depth information. I'm nervous to even make the phone call. Although, answers are better than none.
I woke up (my second morning in a row) without a headache. I've woken with a headache for months. I just have gotten accustomed to taken tylenol as my morning routine. The new meds the Neurologist has me on have helped a lot!
I woke up (my second morning in a row) without a headache. I've woken with a headache for months. I just have gotten accustomed to taken tylenol as my morning routine. The new meds the Neurologist has me on have helped a lot!
Joy is much easier to find the more people know and continue to love me (us) anyway. I don't have to lie to anyone. Them: "How are you" Me: "I'm great thanks" (lies). So instead of ruining someones weekend, I choose Joy!!!
Diane
Sunday, September 1, 2013
It's a Mandarin!
The Mandarin: like an orange. You know the one?!!
My blessing of a husband (for 21 years now!!) wanted me to let you know, about Mandarin. We have so many friends and family that love us and whom we love equally in return. So in the age of social media, we felt blogger/facebook could help deliver the message and keep us all connected to our deep and wide support group. I'd prefer to talk to each of you face to face, this is tough given where people live.
I have been diagnosed with a meningioma, a likely NON cancerous benign brain mass. I had a CT scan on Friday the 30th of August in Abbotsford, a lovely Dr in ARH emerg let me know what had been found. He booked me a quick Neuro consult with a great (and steady handed) Dr at Royal Columbian for Saturday the 31st. He was fantastic and so kind and soft spoken. We have nicknamed the mass (the mandarin, as it's the size of a small one!), 4x4cms big on my brain!
An MRI and excision biopsy will be scheduled in the next 5-10 days, to then determine the best course of action. Since November 2012, I have experienced headaches at varying levels. Apparently, 'Mandarin' has been growing for several years and Dr. M feels that waiting a few days for an MRI and then surgery will be just fine.
We live in a world of amazing options and abilities to not only detect, but to repair, to heal and to continue living life to the fullest. That is our strategy as we step onto this new path life has laid out for us.
With love,
Di, Dw, S and C! (The Stewarts)
xoxo
My blessing of a husband (for 21 years now!!) wanted me to let you know, about Mandarin. We have so many friends and family that love us and whom we love equally in return. So in the age of social media, we felt blogger/facebook could help deliver the message and keep us all connected to our deep and wide support group. I'd prefer to talk to each of you face to face, this is tough given where people live.
I have been diagnosed with a meningioma, a likely NON cancerous benign brain mass. I had a CT scan on Friday the 30th of August in Abbotsford, a lovely Dr in ARH emerg let me know what had been found. He booked me a quick Neuro consult with a great (and steady handed) Dr at Royal Columbian for Saturday the 31st. He was fantastic and so kind and soft spoken. We have nicknamed the mass (the mandarin, as it's the size of a small one!), 4x4cms big on my brain!
An MRI and excision biopsy will be scheduled in the next 5-10 days, to then determine the best course of action. Since November 2012, I have experienced headaches at varying levels. Apparently, 'Mandarin' has been growing for several years and Dr. M feels that waiting a few days for an MRI and then surgery will be just fine.
We live in a world of amazing options and abilities to not only detect, but to repair, to heal and to continue living life to the fullest. That is our strategy as we step onto this new path life has laid out for us.
With love,
Di, Dw, S and C! (The Stewarts)
xoxo
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