Words...otherwise known as "S?!t mom says"

While funny some of time, it's weird. The words come out of my mouth and I know they're wrong. The food isn't in the washer. There isn't a unicycle on the road. No, it's not chicken porn. Embarrassing. I don't need to be reminded about those, as soon as they come out (and I hear them) I know they are wrong, I just didn't know it in my mind. I hear things wrong and then I say things wrong and at the wrong times. 

I find myself becoming quieter and more withdrawn. The ones I love have become more critical and I will use those words against me in the worst ways. 'Friends' can be walked away from but family is with us daily.  It's hard to comprehend. 

I know that things are different and I know I don't do well in crowds but how do I make others understand that? Those who don't see me often? 

My knitting does not criticize me :) I'm currently working on a blanket for Cam and that is lovely. I am also using time daily to search out grants for our company and work on them.  Gives me some brain work, and that's good!! Sunny days are amazing too. Outside in the gardens and getting veggies going. Hands in dirt, love it!!!! Must go outside and fertilize the garlic :)

Love 

Diane 

I'm back...the great debate

Yes, it's been a debate. To blog or not to blog. Is it a judgement platform, an information system or way for me to get my thoughts out? I'm hoping it's the last two things but my fear that blogging includes judgement. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's that my thoughts and writing are not what they used to be, they run away, are jumbled, spiral out of control, more emotional and words are not always properly used. Thank goodness for spell check!! Please excuse the oddness of my posts. 

March was brain injury awareness month. I did quite a bit of self evaluation. How am I? Do I measure up? Who cares!! I'm doing the best I can. Ok ok, I actually care, I really do. I'm pleased with where I am compared to a year ago (oh ya, I'm at 18months post surgery!!). I still get exhausted after busy days. Easter weekend has wiped me out so it'll take me a couple of days to recover, but I'm better at being gentle with myself. Sarah is good at reminding me to drink loads of water and drinking my dark green juice. 

Dwayne is amazing at reminding me to nap. 

On the outside I look 'normal' (whatever that is, don't get me started). It's hard that the inside doesn't measure up. I used to host dinners and have friends over all the time. Now, the thought of doing that regularly, scares me. I'm sad, because I miss it, a lot. So now, when people ask me how I am, I simply say "today is a good day" or "it's been a good week". I don't want to go into it. And I could just stay home and knit all by myself all day :)

Ok, that was a rant, or something!! 

This picture is from March 31 on the way to the Brain injury awareness meetup 

Love 

Diane

Xoxo