Goodbye 2015....

Why is it that I don't feel like it could possibly be 2016?  I still feel like I'm stuck in 2012 or even 2011!!

This year my word was Strength.  I tried to work it in to many aspects of my life.  Thoughts (the hardest). Physical. Relationships, you get the picture. I didn't "get" my word until well into January and was surprised at it's appearance.  My friend, Erika, has chosen a word for her year each year for many years and her encouragement was why I decided to go ahead and do this.  A positive, single word to help you define your year.

So, this year I started seeing a Naturopath to start getting my body stronger.  She and I are working on fixing so many things that have cropped up and fixing negative effects from meds I take for headaches and anxiety. Strength.

This year has been a year of growth for our family in many ways. Our Valley Hops and BC Hop Company have moved forward in huge ways!  BC Hop Fest took place on Oct 3rd (my 2-year brain-aversary) with only 8 weeks planning. A US delegation, many dignitaries, farm tours, 17 breweries and culinary vendors, over 500 tickets sold out, amazing bands and a waiting list for next year!!  Strength...to not cave daily under the pressure or cry when I couldn't remember what I was actually doing!

For Thanksgiving this year, we hosted my family for dinner, all 20 plus a few friends.  My first big dinner since my surgery! Table laid out. Turkey and ham cooked.  Pot luck items arriving. It was tiring and amazing to look around the table to see our family and a few friends and the sheer amount of love that poured into each dish.  Strength...to love those that we love, when all else has failed.

At Christmas, we hosted 2 dinners.  A 3-course plated company dinner for 16 people, lovingly prepared by moi! My amazing helpers who stepped up when they saw I was drowning, Jodi and Megan, know my limitations and Jodi also knows when to just step in and take charge.  She's the only one I will take direction from!  The second dinner was on the 28th of December and was Dwayne's family dinner.  It was a small group of us but gave us the space to visit.  Apparently I need to make lists of what I'm serving as I forgot the mashed potatoes and Dwayne had to remind me after the food had been passed around and completely forgot the homemade (amazing!!) baked beans, which we ate the next day! Strength...to not be angry at myself!

Today, I sit in the glow of the sun.  Our area still has a fair amount of snow on the ground.   It's glistening. It's beautiful.  I'm so proud of the Strength that I was able to dig up when I needed to this year.  The kids got me an adult colouring book for christmas, which I'm loving!  I think my word is figured out for next year.  It came to me the other day, but I didn't think it would be that easy, so I kept searching. I'll let you know about my word in January :)  I wonder if I chose "millions" to be my word that would just appear too!

Thank you for loving me, us, for this year again and still.  Happy New Year my sweet friends and amazing family!

With love,
Di  xoxo

New learning

I love learning new things!  I've always believed that if you're not growing, you're dying, so I try to continue to 'grow' even if slowly and in sometimes strange ways.

This past weekend I did something that I've wanted to do for quite a long time, I learned how to mushroom forage and identify. While this is strange to most people, it is amazing to me.  The forests around our world have prizes, like an easter egg hunt, for us to explore and find.

We arrived on Friday at Evans Lake Camp in Squamish and settled in to our cabin. On Saturday morning we met the rest of our group that made up 25 in total. We spent the morning doing class time (so thankful for handouts to refer to!!) and then we headed out for a gorgeous hike in the woods in the afternoon to collect Golden Chanterelles, Winter Chanterelles, Angels Wings and Elfin Saddles.  We learned so many great ID procedures and checked our books and programs for our others mushrooms we'd picked for those purposes.   On Sunday, we picked more Winter Chanterelles and pickled them to take home.

We were also fortunate enough to find an AMAZING Lobster Mushroom.  This is a crazy non-mushroom actually.  It starts as an inedible white mushroom called Russula Brevipes and then this mushroom is infected with a mold that turns it into an edible Lobster Mushroom.  It's got a slight lobster smell and flavour and when it's cut it looks like lobster meat.  Very cool!!  We also found numerous Matsutake Mushrooms (Pine Mushroom) on our way out of camp.

Needless to say, dinner last night was steak and mushrooms!! All sorts of great mushrooms, sauteed only with butter so that their flavours could be tasted fully. I LOVE MUSHROOMS!

I'm headed out today to our forest behind our home to see what I can find. I'm sure there are some great prizes. Now I know how to do some ID and what could be deadly or inedible, I'll be sure to be careful.

My friend and I sure had a great time!  Our adventures are going to continue!

Love to all!
Di
xo

What a crazy 8 weeks....2 year brain-aversary

On Aug 3rd 2015, Dwayne breezed into the family room and casually asked "what about a beer festival celebrating wet hopped beer?".  I starred at him.  Computing.  Thinking.  Then with enthusiasm answered with "why not!".  Well, you don't know what you don't know!!

We'd never been to a beer festival, ever. Never been to a festival that included going booth to booth like this (except for a farmers market).  We got ahold of Donna Dixson, who as it turned out would be our fairy godmother, and the 3 of us embarked on what would be less than 60 days of planning.  We thought we had it all under control and were totally confident....until we attended the GCBF in Victoria on Sept 11.  We had NO idea!  We snuck 'back stage', questioned volunteers, asked security, took copious pictures and realized, we hadn't really scratched the surface. GAH!   With less than a month to go, I began to panic internally.

We had amazing sponsors, vendors and support for our very first year.  Ticket sales were lagging, we thought but we were told to be patient. Volunteers were pouring in with friends offering help and strangers coming forward. I was thrilled.

Donna, Dwayne and I met constantly to ensure we were covering everything.  The Province did a story with BC Hop Company on the cover (THE COVER!!) on Sept 7th, which helped start a month of free media. CFOX picked that up and came out for an interview.  Donna was amazing with media releases and we were everywhere!

Fast forward to Oct 3rd, the day of the event.  It was a beautiful day on the farm.  Windy but sunny.  I was so great.  WE WERE SOLD OUT!!!   Brewers were thrilled with the event, patrons loved it, food trucks sold out, bands were great.  Can't wait for next year!

Now, a week later, I'm sleeping constantly.  I loved being needed, engaged and useful. I've never been so tired after a project though. Dwayne is away this week and I'm secretly thankful as I can nap whenever I need to and sleep until later in the morning :)  The project was an amazing thing for me to witness from a place of awareness (does that make sense?). I was very aware of the fits of anger or tears that overcame me when I least expected them. I knew when I needed to put the computer down and go lay down.  It was like seeing myself from outside of my own body on occasion.

Okay now I'm not even making sense to me.  Clearly I need to put the computer down.....

Thank you to everyone for your support, love, notes and reminders of self care.  Oct 3rd (event day) was my 2 year brain-aversary, we celebrated BIG!

With Love,
Di
xo

Paying attention...

I have the attention span of a knat. My mum will say I always did (I'm sure my dad will agree) but now I get exhausted when I get to my "glazed over point". At brain group this morning, we had a discussion about this. I've become increasingly frustrated with my inability to stay on task longer than about 90mins. I get exhausted. My brain needs a break. I yawn. I could put my head down and nap at that very moment!

The other day during a business meeting at our home, we were working with an IT guy on some items and I was suddenly done. I knew this. I wandered off and did laundry, hoping this would help focus me...it didn't. I tried to get back into the meeting. Flitting off to do other things here and there to try to re-constitute my energy didn't work. I was told by other ABI people this morning next time to sit quietly for 10 mins or so and rest, it'll help more than moving to another task. Noted. Brain breaks...needed!

On another note, BC Hop Company had been born! We've got Valley Hops going strong and now BC Hop Co is moving up. We are getting into the floral sector with our hops now, breweries In the fall and the culinary world next spring. It is exciting and wonderful to be focusing on such amazing growth of farming and revitalization! Check us out of fb, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest. 

I'm off to nap now after my brain group session this morning. That is a mentally taxing 2 hours too. 

I hope you are enjoying summer fun with family and friends!!

Love,

Di

Xo

July 9...or is it the 8th

July 9th is the date that Dwayne and I have been together since we started dating. We've always thought it was the 9th until he found an old day timer (anyone remember those??) and the 8th was marked with a memo, "date with Diane".  So now, I think we should celebrate both!! Tee hee

This year is 27 years since that first date. Hard to believe really. I don't seem old enough.  He was 16 and I was 18 (ya, ya, I'm the older but not wiser woman!). Crazy to look at our kids and their ages and know that we were already connected. 

I can't believe how things have changed in our lives and in the world in these years. The path has been bumpy at times but it's always been an adventure and full of love and promise. 

Love!! Di

Transparency and naturopath

A balancing act. I've learned how to smile and nod and simply say "I'm doing fine"  or just "well thank-you" when asked how I am. The way I am face to face is so different than how I am in writing. I don't have to see your eyes (look in 'dem eyes) or admit that I slept like crap. I admit, I used to put everything on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Just recently, I've pulled back and rarely post on Facebook anymore.  Not because I don't want you to know, but, how much is too transparent? How much info is too much? Do people really care? So if you care, shoot me a note, I'll respond! 

Also:

I've found a naturopath. She's fantastic!

With headaches increasing and still being so very tired, my GP was only increasing my meds to fix things. His constant answer to my exhaustion was sleep apnea. I've been tested, no I don't! (It's right there in my file)

I inquired with my Dr about some things I'd researched specifically (after some blood work came back), and he was quick to point out that most naturopaths are quacks. Let me have you understand, I really like my Dr, a lot. He's very compassionate. He listens. I know that most things on the net are posted by quacks, I get it!

Anyhoo, I decided to consult a naturopath. Bloodwork and a visit later. There are some (ok, many) answers. She's working with me on all sorts of things. Mostly getting my sleeping better and exhaustion under control. I'm anemic. Like on a scale of 70, I'm an 8. That's a failing grade!!!! I had some other items that are of concern that she is working on with me. Together we are getting this body back in fighting form!!

Thanks for reading! 

Love love!

Di

xo

Ps if you're 45 and having night sweats, go have your hormones checked, it's not normal!!!

So long May

The beginning of May (actually the end of April, my birthday) marks the "trifecta of doom" as Dwayne calls it. He has my birthday, Mother's Day and our anniversary in a 1 month period. This year was quiet as celebrating went. My birthday celebration on May 2nd  was a mini-burning woman celebration complete with a couple of tutus and head dresses for those that would wear them. A big Bonfire,  some good food and great friends! A truly low key evening with only 10 in total. Missed quite a few dear friends but they were with me in my heart :)

Mother's Day was crazy with my whole family at our home, pot luck style and splashing in the pool. It's great to look out and see the mayhem, but be able to wander away when I need to have a brain break. So lovely to celebrate the Mama's in our family!

Our anniversary, on May 23rd was our 23rd this year.  We went to a nice little restaurant in North Van and then to a local production of HMS Pinafore (a musical). Bless Dwaynes heart, he nearly fell asleep but he definitely took one for the team and did something he knew I'd love! 

May has seen our family solidify a bit more and find our strength. The sunny weather is welcome here always!

The pool is open, bring your towels and come on by!!!

Love,

Diane 

xo

"Blog like no one is reading"

I loved this title left in a comment left by my sweet cousin Sally, from England.  So, from here on in, I will write this way.  Some good, some bad and some down right ugly. Good times!  Thank you Sally (and others) for encouraging me to voice my thoughts in such a way <3

Brain Group:  Yes there is such a thing!  We are a group of people who all have brain injuries who get together once a month and discuss how we are working towards our new normal (don't get me really started on that word!!). How to cope with my new limitations is my biggest kryponite... I should, I used to, I'm stupid, what an idiot. All things that are or have been part of my vocabulary or thought patterns.  Brain group, run by Fraser Valley Brain Injury Assoc, has taught me that while all of those things I used to do may not be in my wheel house any more, I have other things that I'm good at and I get to focus more on those.  It's taken a long while to come "out of the woods" and see the forest behind me.  

Reading is an issue.  I haven't read a book since my surgery.  While I wasn't an avid reader before, I certainly read.  I love Jodi Picoult books....LOVE THEM!  I've been working on the book Wild now for a month and I'm on page 15. gah!!! I can't focus on the words, they float everywhere and make zero sense to me.  Does that sound dumb?  Sure does to me!!  So far, great book though :)

I still can't do much gardening without days of headaches but I love gardening, I really love it!  It's the upside down thing, headaches like you wouldn't even believe.   So I just know that I have to have a couple of quiet days after gardening days.  Seems odd to the 'old' me but it's the way it is.  That being said, I plowed through (pun intended) my gardening this weekend with Cam's help and got the majority of it done.  Now I rest!

I had a lovely Mother's Day too!  Cam bought me some treats and Sarah sent me a beautiful video where she sang for me.  I had ugly tears!  Then our whole family (minus Sarah) arrived to celebrate the Moms in our family around the pool and on our deck.  Dwayne, Jarrod and Stu did the cooking which was lovely.

Happy Mother's Day 2015!
Love Diane
xo

Words...otherwise known as "S?!t mom says"

While funny some of time, it's weird. The words come out of my mouth and I know they're wrong. The food isn't in the washer. There isn't a unicycle on the road. No, it's not chicken porn. Embarrassing. I don't need to be reminded about those, as soon as they come out (and I hear them) I know they are wrong, I just didn't know it in my mind. I hear things wrong and then I say things wrong and at the wrong times. 

I find myself becoming quieter and more withdrawn. The ones I love have become more critical and I will use those words against me in the worst ways. 'Friends' can be walked away from but family is with us daily.  It's hard to comprehend. 

I know that things are different and I know I don't do well in crowds but how do I make others understand that? Those who don't see me often? 

My knitting does not criticize me :) I'm currently working on a blanket for Cam and that is lovely. I am also using time daily to search out grants for our company and work on them.  Gives me some brain work, and that's good!! Sunny days are amazing too. Outside in the gardens and getting veggies going. Hands in dirt, love it!!!! Must go outside and fertilize the garlic :)

Love 

Diane 

I'm back...the great debate

Yes, it's been a debate. To blog or not to blog. Is it a judgement platform, an information system or way for me to get my thoughts out? I'm hoping it's the last two things but my fear that blogging includes judgement. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's that my thoughts and writing are not what they used to be, they run away, are jumbled, spiral out of control, more emotional and words are not always properly used. Thank goodness for spell check!! Please excuse the oddness of my posts. 

March was brain injury awareness month. I did quite a bit of self evaluation. How am I? Do I measure up? Who cares!! I'm doing the best I can. Ok ok, I actually care, I really do. I'm pleased with where I am compared to a year ago (oh ya, I'm at 18months post surgery!!). I still get exhausted after busy days. Easter weekend has wiped me out so it'll take me a couple of days to recover, but I'm better at being gentle with myself. Sarah is good at reminding me to drink loads of water and drinking my dark green juice. 

Dwayne is amazing at reminding me to nap. 

On the outside I look 'normal' (whatever that is, don't get me started). It's hard that the inside doesn't measure up. I used to host dinners and have friends over all the time. Now, the thought of doing that regularly, scares me. I'm sad, because I miss it, a lot. So now, when people ask me how I am, I simply say "today is a good day" or "it's been a good week". I don't want to go into it. And I could just stay home and knit all by myself all day :)

Ok, that was a rant, or something!! 

This picture is from March 31 on the way to the Brain injury awareness meetup 

Love 

Diane

Xoxo