Yes, it's been a debate. To blog or not to blog. Is it a judgement platform, an information system or way for me to get my thoughts out? I'm hoping it's the last two things but my fear that blogging includes judgement. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's that my thoughts and writing are not what they used to be, they run away, are jumbled, spiral out of control, more emotional and words are not always properly used. Thank goodness for spell check!! Please excuse the oddness of my posts.
March was brain injury awareness month. I did quite a bit of self evaluation. How am I? Do I measure up? Who cares!! I'm doing the best I can. Ok ok, I actually care, I really do. I'm pleased with where I am compared to a year ago (oh ya, I'm at 18months post surgery!!). I still get exhausted after busy days. Easter weekend has wiped me out so it'll take me a couple of days to recover, but I'm better at being gentle with myself. Sarah is good at reminding me to drink loads of water and drinking my dark green juice.
Dwayne is amazing at reminding me to nap.
On the outside I look 'normal' (whatever that is, don't get me started). It's hard that the inside doesn't measure up. I used to host dinners and have friends over all the time. Now, the thought of doing that regularly, scares me. I'm sad, because I miss it, a lot. So now, when people ask me how I am, I simply say "today is a good day" or "it's been a good week". I don't want to go into it. And I could just stay home and knit all by myself all day :)
Ok, that was a rant, or something!!
This picture is from March 31 on the way to the Brain injury awareness meetup
Love
Diane
Xoxo
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Diane. I'll be following you.
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing! I only know the Diane post mandarin...I love her!...Were you really any better then you are now?...I feel so privileged to know you now and the time we spend together is ALWAYS good...You are my brave, brave friend ♡
ReplyDeleteDiane, you are a brave inspiration to me. There is a lot to process when life changes dramatically. Blog on! Don't worry about judgement. They are your thoughts and friends don't judge.
ReplyDeleteBlog away Diane! Remember Rome wasn't build in a day! It may take a few years to recover and you may never be the same, take it from me I know! I am missing some parts too! We are here and that's all that matters. John Wayne once said "Everyday I wake up and see the sun I know I am still here and that's a good day"
ReplyDeleteYes Diane, I agree! I'm learning patience (that's a hard one) and understanding for myself. It's tough when I remember the way I used to be. Tea with friends is a great way to be reminded of great days :)
DeleteBah! I wrote this paragraphs long response and then had to sign in to comment and there went my reply!! So here is a recap:
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you are missing your dinners, but so proud of you. Knowing where you are at and honouring that is one of the hardest and best things you can do, along with being kind and patient with yourself. I have watched you learn to honour yourself and your needs and I am so very proud of you. As far as judgment.. people will either not understand and choose not to read, or read and seek to understand. We can control only ourselves, so do what is right for you and the people who love you will respect and appreciate you for it.
Josie- she is just as awesome as she was! <3
Well, obviously I'd come down on the blogging side of the 'to blog or not to blog' debate. But I think it's very individual for everyone. It seems to me though that there must be something that's drawing you to the idea of blogging, you must want to within you or else you wouldn't keep coming back to it surely? So add another line to the old 'Dance, as if no one is watching' saying - 'Blog, as if no one is reading'!
ReplyDelete