I have back dated many new posts (and many more in the next few days). This is a journey for me and also for you to witness. For months I haven't updated my blog. I will be honest....
I'm embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed that I don't write like I used to. That my mind isn't working like it did. I get frustrated, worried, sad, disappointed and most of all, embarrassed. While I get that this is my journey back to health, I wonder whether people think I should be further ahead than I am. Yes, I still worry about what people think (less than I used to though!).
My processing isn't up to what it was and my 'funny bone' isn't quite re-installed yet. Ok, that was a little bit funny...or was it?
I've been writing but not publishing, hoping that I could go back and polish up each post. It wouldn't truly reflect how far I've come if I do that. Robynn, was the one to point out that showing my progress to others and especially myself, would be a good reason to continue. I've been procrastinating because of fear.
Be kind ;)
xo
D
So are you worried someone will mark your writing in red for grammar/spelling/style and general wit and return it to you?!!! Of course we will all be kind! I'm sure no one would even think about judging where you are in your recovery, but even if they wanted to, how on earth would they? How many of us reading this will have any idea what it's like to live with a mandarin inside your head for so long and then have a big hole cut in your head to remove it? It seems to me you're doing amazingly (sorry, I suppose that is a judgement!). Anyway, it is lovely, lovely, lovely to be able to catch up on your journey again, thank you for starting to post again, please, please carry on.
ReplyDeleteAnd also, reading back on your older posts and tying them in with posts on Facebook, I hadn't appreciated till now quite what you have been going through with your friend Kristin. You may very well be thinking that's nothing compared to what Kristin and her family clearly went through. Obviously that's true, I lost my best friend to cancer 7 years ago, and that's how I felt. But I loved her very much and losing her was incredibly tough for me too. At the time just holding everything together day to day was so hard, and I miss her a huge amount still now. I can't imagine going through that and dealing with recovering from such a major health scare as well. Especially with all the conflicting emotions that must bring. I very much feel for you and wish I could help in some way.
Lots of love to you all,
Sally XXX
PS You'd score pretty well on grammar/spelling/style and general wit too I think!