It's ok to not be ok

It's been a tough week. After a very successful BC HopFest 2017 (if you don't know about that, check out BC Hop Co online and come next year!) it's time to recharge.  I've taken time to sit and let me sore feet restore.  I have started a knitting project and caught up on some shows.  On Oct 3rd was my 4th Brainaversary.  Sometimes it's hard to believe that it's been 4 years since our family started on the "brain journey".   There are still journey's ahead of us. We just don't know exactly what they are. We are flying a bit blind right now.

This week has been tough for a variety of reasons.  I'm tired of fighting to advocate for myself, sounds dumb to some, I feel like we've been fighting for a voice in the medical system for too long.  I've got all the specialists and not one quarterback.  So frustrating.

On Friday, it was super hard. I was in tears nearly all day.  I'd been to the GP to deal with an odd pain in my belly (like that's new!!), a shooting pain that had been nagging me since my June surgery.  Damn.  It shot straight up to my shoulder and threw me into a panic about what it could be. The GP was concerned about it too.  Spleen?  Stomach?  Believes it to be a Hematoma that had "let go" and has caused major issue in the surrounding area.  Pain now is a constant reminder to slow down and be kind to myself.

I had already been reminded of that after I'd been referred to the BC Cancer Agency following my June surgery. News wasn't good on that mass and now the investigation was on for any other issues that there may be.  Ovarian complications are now being looking at, just not fast enough!!  Why is a "short term follow up" (as suggested by the radiologist from August) quickest in November??  Why can't I get in for an MRI in Abbotsford sooner for the follow-up that I need?  What is so wrong with our system? Don't answer that, we all know!!!!  Hence the bad day! I would love to be boring, for just one day!

I'm curtailing the things that cause stress as that helps with the excessive pain, or at least I'm able to deal with the pain easier when I'm not also dealing with stress. 

I'm not allowed to give up, I'm not allowed to want to give up.  I am allowed to not be ok!

My One Little Word....

Happy New Year one and all!!! 🍾

                                     

   

As 2016 came to a close, our winter operations company was extremely busy with snow plowing, salting/sanding and anti-icing.  Both of our kids are now heavily involved in the operations and for some of the drivers who've been with us for 20years, they remember Sarah and Cam as babes. Our entire team has absolutely rocked an entire, unprecidented, month of operations.  Fall went out like a dragon and winter entered, well, like a....you get it! 

2016 was a year of renewal for our family. In so many ways and one day there may be a book explaining it all. If you want to know more, let's go out for dinner or drinks....its been interesting. Sarah graduated university in Toronto and moved home for a few months (she returns to TO on Jan 6th to resume life). Cam graduated high school but had finished early and scored a dream job restoring vintage vehicles and building hot rods. He's just finished his level 1 RedSeal in mechanics at UFV. 

Dwayne transitioned fully and beautifully into the life of hop farming but more than that being the expert in the field (no pun intended!).  He is sought out for speeches and events for his knowledge and business savvy.  Our hop processing plant finished in time for harvest and it was amazing to see the product it produced. It's the most advanced plant in Canada and we are very proud of it!!  I am still sorting out who I am now that I'm not a stay-at-home-mum.  It's a title I held for 20years...now what? 

Each year, for the last few, I haven't made resolutions I've chosen a word. One little word, to help guide my year. Last year was JOY. To find joy in everything or anything was simple but not always easy depending on the day. 

So for the last month I've gone through my list of possible words. I've literally tried each out and kept coming back to one that seriously spoke to me. While it can be construed as selfish, it's also very generous and kind.  My word for this year is MORE.  More love to give, more learning, more growth, more smiles to share, more joy, more happiness, more time with friends, more healthly choices, more hugs....you get the picture.  Every time I turned around there was the word. MORE. 

I hope you choose a word for this year. I hope more than ever that you find everything you are needing in 2017 and that you are loved more than you thought possible. 

Looking forward to connecting with more of you this year!

Much love,

Di

xx