Paying attention...

I have the attention span of a knat. My mum will say I always did (I'm sure my dad will agree) but now I get exhausted when I get to my "glazed over point". At brain group this morning, we had a discussion about this. I've become increasingly frustrated with my inability to stay on task longer than about 90mins. I get exhausted. My brain needs a break. I yawn. I could put my head down and nap at that very moment!

The other day during a business meeting at our home, we were working with an IT guy on some items and I was suddenly done. I knew this. I wandered off and did laundry, hoping this would help focus me...it didn't. I tried to get back into the meeting. Flitting off to do other things here and there to try to re-constitute my energy didn't work. I was told by other ABI people this morning next time to sit quietly for 10 mins or so and rest, it'll help more than moving to another task. Noted. Brain breaks...needed!

On another note, BC Hop Company had been born! We've got Valley Hops going strong and now BC Hop Co is moving up. We are getting into the floral sector with our hops now, breweries In the fall and the culinary world next spring. It is exciting and wonderful to be focusing on such amazing growth of farming and revitalization! Check us out of fb, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest. 

I'm off to nap now after my brain group session this morning. That is a mentally taxing 2 hours too. 

I hope you are enjoying summer fun with family and friends!!

Love,

Di

Xo

July 9...or is it the 8th

July 9th is the date that Dwayne and I have been together since we started dating. We've always thought it was the 9th until he found an old day timer (anyone remember those??) and the 8th was marked with a memo, "date with Diane".  So now, I think we should celebrate both!! Tee hee

This year is 27 years since that first date. Hard to believe really. I don't seem old enough.  He was 16 and I was 18 (ya, ya, I'm the older but not wiser woman!). Crazy to look at our kids and their ages and know that we were already connected. 

I can't believe how things have changed in our lives and in the world in these years. The path has been bumpy at times but it's always been an adventure and full of love and promise. 

Love!! Di

Transparency and naturopath

A balancing act. I've learned how to smile and nod and simply say "I'm doing fine"  or just "well thank-you" when asked how I am. The way I am face to face is so different than how I am in writing. I don't have to see your eyes (look in 'dem eyes) or admit that I slept like crap. I admit, I used to put everything on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Just recently, I've pulled back and rarely post on Facebook anymore.  Not because I don't want you to know, but, how much is too transparent? How much info is too much? Do people really care? So if you care, shoot me a note, I'll respond! 

Also:

I've found a naturopath. She's fantastic!

With headaches increasing and still being so very tired, my GP was only increasing my meds to fix things. His constant answer to my exhaustion was sleep apnea. I've been tested, no I don't! (It's right there in my file)

I inquired with my Dr about some things I'd researched specifically (after some blood work came back), and he was quick to point out that most naturopaths are quacks. Let me have you understand, I really like my Dr, a lot. He's very compassionate. He listens. I know that most things on the net are posted by quacks, I get it!

Anyhoo, I decided to consult a naturopath. Bloodwork and a visit later. There are some (ok, many) answers. She's working with me on all sorts of things. Mostly getting my sleeping better and exhaustion under control. I'm anemic. Like on a scale of 70, I'm an 8. That's a failing grade!!!! I had some other items that are of concern that she is working on with me. Together we are getting this body back in fighting form!!

Thanks for reading! 

Love love!

Di

xo

Ps if you're 45 and having night sweats, go have your hormones checked, it's not normal!!!

So long May

The beginning of May (actually the end of April, my birthday) marks the "trifecta of doom" as Dwayne calls it. He has my birthday, Mother's Day and our anniversary in a 1 month period. This year was quiet as celebrating went. My birthday celebration on May 2nd  was a mini-burning woman celebration complete with a couple of tutus and head dresses for those that would wear them. A big Bonfire,  some good food and great friends! A truly low key evening with only 10 in total. Missed quite a few dear friends but they were with me in my heart :)

Mother's Day was crazy with my whole family at our home, pot luck style and splashing in the pool. It's great to look out and see the mayhem, but be able to wander away when I need to have a brain break. So lovely to celebrate the Mama's in our family!

Our anniversary, on May 23rd was our 23rd this year.  We went to a nice little restaurant in North Van and then to a local production of HMS Pinafore (a musical). Bless Dwaynes heart, he nearly fell asleep but he definitely took one for the team and did something he knew I'd love! 

May has seen our family solidify a bit more and find our strength. The sunny weather is welcome here always!

The pool is open, bring your towels and come on by!!!

Love,

Diane 

xo

"Blog like no one is reading"

I loved this title left in a comment left by my sweet cousin Sally, from England.  So, from here on in, I will write this way.  Some good, some bad and some down right ugly. Good times!  Thank you Sally (and others) for encouraging me to voice my thoughts in such a way <3

Brain Group:  Yes there is such a thing!  We are a group of people who all have brain injuries who get together once a month and discuss how we are working towards our new normal (don't get me really started on that word!!). How to cope with my new limitations is my biggest kryponite... I should, I used to, I'm stupid, what an idiot. All things that are or have been part of my vocabulary or thought patterns.  Brain group, run by Fraser Valley Brain Injury Assoc, has taught me that while all of those things I used to do may not be in my wheel house any more, I have other things that I'm good at and I get to focus more on those.  It's taken a long while to come "out of the woods" and see the forest behind me.  

Reading is an issue.  I haven't read a book since my surgery.  While I wasn't an avid reader before, I certainly read.  I love Jodi Picoult books....LOVE THEM!  I've been working on the book Wild now for a month and I'm on page 15. gah!!! I can't focus on the words, they float everywhere and make zero sense to me.  Does that sound dumb?  Sure does to me!!  So far, great book though :)

I still can't do much gardening without days of headaches but I love gardening, I really love it!  It's the upside down thing, headaches like you wouldn't even believe.   So I just know that I have to have a couple of quiet days after gardening days.  Seems odd to the 'old' me but it's the way it is.  That being said, I plowed through (pun intended) my gardening this weekend with Cam's help and got the majority of it done.  Now I rest!

I had a lovely Mother's Day too!  Cam bought me some treats and Sarah sent me a beautiful video where she sang for me.  I had ugly tears!  Then our whole family (minus Sarah) arrived to celebrate the Moms in our family around the pool and on our deck.  Dwayne, Jarrod and Stu did the cooking which was lovely.

Happy Mother's Day 2015!
Love Diane
xo

Words...otherwise known as "S?!t mom says"

While funny some of time, it's weird. The words come out of my mouth and I know they're wrong. The food isn't in the washer. There isn't a unicycle on the road. No, it's not chicken porn. Embarrassing. I don't need to be reminded about those, as soon as they come out (and I hear them) I know they are wrong, I just didn't know it in my mind. I hear things wrong and then I say things wrong and at the wrong times. 

I find myself becoming quieter and more withdrawn. The ones I love have become more critical and I will use those words against me in the worst ways. 'Friends' can be walked away from but family is with us daily.  It's hard to comprehend. 

I know that things are different and I know I don't do well in crowds but how do I make others understand that? Those who don't see me often? 

My knitting does not criticize me :) I'm currently working on a blanket for Cam and that is lovely. I am also using time daily to search out grants for our company and work on them.  Gives me some brain work, and that's good!! Sunny days are amazing too. Outside in the gardens and getting veggies going. Hands in dirt, love it!!!! Must go outside and fertilize the garlic :)

Love 

Diane 

I'm back...the great debate

Yes, it's been a debate. To blog or not to blog. Is it a judgement platform, an information system or way for me to get my thoughts out? I'm hoping it's the last two things but my fear that blogging includes judgement. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's that my thoughts and writing are not what they used to be, they run away, are jumbled, spiral out of control, more emotional and words are not always properly used. Thank goodness for spell check!! Please excuse the oddness of my posts. 

March was brain injury awareness month. I did quite a bit of self evaluation. How am I? Do I measure up? Who cares!! I'm doing the best I can. Ok ok, I actually care, I really do. I'm pleased with where I am compared to a year ago (oh ya, I'm at 18months post surgery!!). I still get exhausted after busy days. Easter weekend has wiped me out so it'll take me a couple of days to recover, but I'm better at being gentle with myself. Sarah is good at reminding me to drink loads of water and drinking my dark green juice. 

Dwayne is amazing at reminding me to nap. 

On the outside I look 'normal' (whatever that is, don't get me started). It's hard that the inside doesn't measure up. I used to host dinners and have friends over all the time. Now, the thought of doing that regularly, scares me. I'm sad, because I miss it, a lot. So now, when people ask me how I am, I simply say "today is a good day" or "it's been a good week". I don't want to go into it. And I could just stay home and knit all by myself all day :)

Ok, that was a rant, or something!! 

This picture is from March 31 on the way to the Brain injury awareness meetup 

Love 

Diane

Xoxo