It's been a tough week. After a very successful BC HopFest 2017 (if you don't know about that, check out BC Hop Co online and come next year!) it's time to recharge. I've taken time to sit and let me sore feet restore. I have started a knitting project and caught up on some shows. On Oct 3rd was my 4th Brainaversary. Sometimes it's hard to believe that it's been 4 years since our family started on the "brain journey". There are still journey's ahead of us. We just don't know exactly what they are. We are flying a bit blind right now.
This week has been tough for a variety of reasons. I'm tired of fighting to advocate for myself, sounds dumb to some, I feel like we've been fighting for a voice in the medical system for too long. I've got all the specialists and not one quarterback. So frustrating.
On Friday, it was super hard. I was in tears nearly all day. I'd been to the GP to deal with an odd pain in my belly (like that's new!!), a shooting pain that had been nagging me since my June surgery. Damn. It shot straight up to my shoulder and threw me into a panic about what it could be. The GP was concerned about it too. Spleen? Stomach? Believes it to be a Hematoma that had "let go" and has caused major issue in the surrounding area. Pain now is a constant reminder to slow down and be kind to myself.
I had already been reminded of that after I'd been referred to the BC Cancer Agency following my June surgery. News wasn't good on that mass and now the investigation was on for any other issues that there may be. Ovarian complications are now being looking at, just not fast enough!! Why is a "short term follow up" (as suggested by the radiologist from August) quickest in November?? Why can't I get in for an MRI in Abbotsford sooner for the follow-up that I need? What is so wrong with our system? Don't answer that, we all know!!!! Hence the bad day! I would love to be boring, for just one day!
I'm curtailing the things that cause stress as that helps with the excessive pain, or at least I'm able to deal with the pain easier when I'm not also dealing with stress.
I'm not allowed to give up, I'm not allowed to want to give up. I am allowed to not be ok!
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Monday, January 2, 2017
My One Little Word....
Happy New Year one and all!!! 🍾 
As 2016 came to a close, our winter operations company was extremely busy with snow plowing, salting/sanding and anti-icing. Both of our kids are now heavily involved in the operations and for some of the drivers who've been with us for 20years, they remember Sarah and Cam as babes. Our entire team has absolutely rocked an entire, unprecidented, month of operations. Fall went out like a dragon and winter entered, well, like a....you get it!
2016 was a year of renewal for our family. In so many ways and one day there may be a book explaining it all. If you want to know more, let's go out for dinner or drinks....its been interesting. Sarah graduated university in Toronto and moved home for a few months (she returns to TO on Jan 6th to resume life). Cam graduated high school but had finished early and scored a dream job restoring vintage vehicles and building hot rods. He's just finished his level 1 RedSeal in mechanics at UFV.
Dwayne transitioned fully and beautifully into the life of hop farming but more than that being the expert in the field (no pun intended!). He is sought out for speeches and events for his knowledge and business savvy. Our hop processing plant finished in time for harvest and it was amazing to see the product it produced. It's the most advanced plant in Canada and we are very proud of it!! I am still sorting out who I am now that I'm not a stay-at-home-mum. It's a title I held for 20years...now what?
Each year, for the last few, I haven't made resolutions I've chosen a word. One little word, to help guide my year. Last year was JOY. To find joy in everything or anything was simple but not always easy depending on the day.
So for the last month I've gone through my list of possible words. I've literally tried each out and kept coming back to one that seriously spoke to me. While it can be construed as selfish, it's also very generous and kind. My word for this year is MORE. More love to give, more learning, more growth, more smiles to share, more joy, more happiness, more time with friends, more healthly choices, more hugs....you get the picture. Every time I turned around there was the word. MORE.
I hope you choose a word for this year. I hope more than ever that you find everything you are needing in 2017 and that you are loved more than you thought possible.
Looking forward to connecting with more of you this year!
Much love,
Di
xx
Friday, September 9, 2016
Kidney Surgery - Introducing Kyle w/Guest Blogger
Well today was the day. Exactly 3 years to the day that we broke the news to our kids that Diane had a brain tumor, she spent the day once again under the knife exploring a strange growth.
Diane started to complain of significant internal pain about 6 months ago. After much back and forth, and several specialists, we were settled in with a terrific young kidney specialist Dr. Neville. The good doctor pronounced that he was willing to do the surgery required to remove the mass that was about 9 cm in diameter - a softball sized affair.
Is it cancer? "We won't know until we take it out. We don't want to take a sample and deflate or drain it without being able to control that." Seemed reasonable. The plan was to wait for a date when both Dr. N and his preferred assist Dr. Y could make it work. Today was that day.
The day could not come soon enough. The big C hangs in the air as we drive into the hospital today. Her good friend Kristin died 2 years ago, shortly after being diagnosed with kidney cancer - was this that? Time would tell the story. We could only hang on for the ride.
Sarah joined me as we helped Diane settle into her gown and receive her intravenous stent. Only 3 attempts to make it work, better than the last time. (Diane has difficult to locate veins). We left the hospital about 11:30 am, expecting a 90 minute to 3 hour affair per Dr. N's pre-surgery briefing. He would call us once the surgery was complete.
We grabbed some lunch, and then headed back home to wait out the surgery. I have a few things going on at work, so I was able to be distracted for a while, but once 3 hours passed, I could not focus on much. Then 4 hours. Calls to the hospital to check on Diane only told us that she was not in recovery yet. Then 5 hours. I am no Dr, but a best case 90 min surgery is no longer best case 5 hours in methinks. As we approached the 6 hour mark Cam called to say that Diane was out of surgery and into recovery. Say what? "How do you know?" I fairly blurted out. "I called the front desk, put on my best little boy voice, and asked about my Mommy." Privacy policies be dammed, this kid wanted to know what was up with his Mama and no nurse could hold back that information. Good work Cam.
Come see her about 7:30 was the word, 8 hours since we last saw her. We arrived in the room to a rather chipper Diane! What a pleasant surprise. Post brain surgery she was virtually unable to communicate. This one left her in pain, but well colored and able to talk coherently. But what happened? How many kidneys do you have? Everyone with 2 kidneys put up your hand! She did not. Her understanding was that she was left with 1 and about 3/4 of a kidney, and that the mass had not been removed. Pardon the f^&* what? They left it in?? No more morphine for her nurse, she is clearly off her rocker.
Further discussions were fairly pointless as she did not have clear details. Where is Dr. N? An hour later, guess who walked in. Dr. N - he apologized for not reaching out to me, but there was an emergency and he had been taken away to deal with it. No problem, who am I to be pissed at this skilled surgeon. Thanks for taking care of my love. Now what about this "left it in" bullshit? It's true. Turns out old foggy head had it mostly right.
One of the things that caused a long delay in diagnosis and ultimately surgery was that none of the Doctors could not quite figure out what they were looking at on the scans. When Dr. N opened up Diane he found that the mass was in fact adhered to her kidney, but it was simply stuck there, it did not originate there. NO KIDNEY CANCER. That is the good news on the day. He was able to save 100% of the kidney. Awesome. He cleared it from the kidney, cleared it from other areas, but then ran up against the large bowel. Near the colon this sucker, we will call it Kyle, seemed to be adhered and perhaps originating from the bowel. Or not. To remove it would have resulted in a complicated surgery that they were not set up for, plus she had been down for a long time at this point. Kyle has a solid "rind" on him, and while they did rule out that it was the remnants of Diane's twin that she absorbed in utero (I asked, and apparently the teeth would have shown up on a scan) they still do not know what Kyle is. "You see something like this maybe once in 5 or 10 years" says Dr. N. We are dealing with an episode of House it would seem.
So here we are. Not kidney cancer, likely not a cancer (need 2 weeks for results to come back) and certainly not resolved. This short clip clearly articulates my thoughts on the situation with Kyle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_26iZl53YY
Thanks for caring enough to read this. Diane will be back to keep you updated as we watch for Round 2 of WTF is up with Kyle.
God Bless
Dwayne
Diane started to complain of significant internal pain about 6 months ago. After much back and forth, and several specialists, we were settled in with a terrific young kidney specialist Dr. Neville. The good doctor pronounced that he was willing to do the surgery required to remove the mass that was about 9 cm in diameter - a softball sized affair.
Is it cancer? "We won't know until we take it out. We don't want to take a sample and deflate or drain it without being able to control that." Seemed reasonable. The plan was to wait for a date when both Dr. N and his preferred assist Dr. Y could make it work. Today was that day.
The day could not come soon enough. The big C hangs in the air as we drive into the hospital today. Her good friend Kristin died 2 years ago, shortly after being diagnosed with kidney cancer - was this that? Time would tell the story. We could only hang on for the ride.
Sarah joined me as we helped Diane settle into her gown and receive her intravenous stent. Only 3 attempts to make it work, better than the last time. (Diane has difficult to locate veins). We left the hospital about 11:30 am, expecting a 90 minute to 3 hour affair per Dr. N's pre-surgery briefing. He would call us once the surgery was complete.
We grabbed some lunch, and then headed back home to wait out the surgery. I have a few things going on at work, so I was able to be distracted for a while, but once 3 hours passed, I could not focus on much. Then 4 hours. Calls to the hospital to check on Diane only told us that she was not in recovery yet. Then 5 hours. I am no Dr, but a best case 90 min surgery is no longer best case 5 hours in methinks. As we approached the 6 hour mark Cam called to say that Diane was out of surgery and into recovery. Say what? "How do you know?" I fairly blurted out. "I called the front desk, put on my best little boy voice, and asked about my Mommy." Privacy policies be dammed, this kid wanted to know what was up with his Mama and no nurse could hold back that information. Good work Cam.
Come see her about 7:30 was the word, 8 hours since we last saw her. We arrived in the room to a rather chipper Diane! What a pleasant surprise. Post brain surgery she was virtually unable to communicate. This one left her in pain, but well colored and able to talk coherently. But what happened? How many kidneys do you have? Everyone with 2 kidneys put up your hand! She did not. Her understanding was that she was left with 1 and about 3/4 of a kidney, and that the mass had not been removed. Pardon the f^&* what? They left it in?? No more morphine for her nurse, she is clearly off her rocker.
Further discussions were fairly pointless as she did not have clear details. Where is Dr. N? An hour later, guess who walked in. Dr. N - he apologized for not reaching out to me, but there was an emergency and he had been taken away to deal with it. No problem, who am I to be pissed at this skilled surgeon. Thanks for taking care of my love. Now what about this "left it in" bullshit? It's true. Turns out old foggy head had it mostly right.
One of the things that caused a long delay in diagnosis and ultimately surgery was that none of the Doctors could not quite figure out what they were looking at on the scans. When Dr. N opened up Diane he found that the mass was in fact adhered to her kidney, but it was simply stuck there, it did not originate there. NO KIDNEY CANCER. That is the good news on the day. He was able to save 100% of the kidney. Awesome. He cleared it from the kidney, cleared it from other areas, but then ran up against the large bowel. Near the colon this sucker, we will call it Kyle, seemed to be adhered and perhaps originating from the bowel. Or not. To remove it would have resulted in a complicated surgery that they were not set up for, plus she had been down for a long time at this point. Kyle has a solid "rind" on him, and while they did rule out that it was the remnants of Diane's twin that she absorbed in utero (I asked, and apparently the teeth would have shown up on a scan) they still do not know what Kyle is. "You see something like this maybe once in 5 or 10 years" says Dr. N. We are dealing with an episode of House it would seem.
So here we are. Not kidney cancer, likely not a cancer (need 2 weeks for results to come back) and certainly not resolved. This short clip clearly articulates my thoughts on the situation with Kyle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_26iZl53YY
Thanks for caring enough to read this. Diane will be back to keep you updated as we watch for Round 2 of WTF is up with Kyle.
God Bless
Dwayne
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
So there's this~~
Following along my path of too much information and informing my friends about what's going on, here it is.
This has taken us some time to get answers on. What we thought was gallstone issues turned out to be...ta-da...a kidney growth. At just over 9cm (same size as my kidney) it's a good sized grapefruit. Apparently I have a thing for citrus fruit 😁. While it's connected to both my kidney and bowel, it originates from my kidney. It's got a 60% chance of being malignant, so on Sept 9th I'm having it removed along with a small portion of my left kidney. My urologist from ARH along with a urologist from RCH will work on making my kidney functional. If they can't make my kidney work then they'll take it out. I am hoping that the pain associated with this disappears fairly quickly. Dwayne is sweet and kind and worried and wants to just fix me. If you know him, or either of our kids, please lift them up, love them, reach out. This is stretching us.
Love you all,
Di
xo
Monday, August 15, 2016
Family
Also this month , Cam registered for university. How is it possible that he is old enough to do that, or we are old enough to have children who've gotten to this place in life? Cam has registered for his level 1 RedSeal Mechanic. He continues to work at BA Customs where he restores vintage vehicles and builds custom hotrods. He literally has the dream job!!!
We attended Sarah's final show, Footloose, and graduation in TO last on Aug 6/7th. Cam and I arrived on the 3rd and we were tourists! We walked and toured, did the hop-on-hop-off buses. Aquarium and Kensington market, Dwayne arrived late on the 5th and we started the morning of the 6th with the CN tower. What a view!!! Dwayne and Cam hit up the one day only Import Fest Car Show and loved the new cars (and women draped over the cars 🙄).
After seeing Sarahs show and celebrating her graduation, Dwayne departed for home early on the 8th and Cam left for a trip with his paternal grandparents to NYC. Sarah and I jumped into moving mode and packed her apartment, loaded it onto a cube van and drove it to a storage unit. So, I've driven a cube can in DT Toronto!!! I can do anything!! We packed her clothing into suitcases and left for Abby the following morning.
What a whirlwind!
We are so proud of both of our kids for where they are and what their passions are. Always follow your dreams!!!
Mucho love,
Me
xo
Friday, March 11, 2016
Old Self vs New Self
It's a tough position to be in. The "old me" an outgoing, crazy, energetic, (kinda) in your face person. I'd be the first one to welcome a person or stick out my hand to say hello. I was the do'er. You need that done? Sure, I'll do it! I could plan parties and run committees and run a business and a household and still be sane at the end of the day. Ok, who am I kidding, I've never truly been sane :)
When people ask me if it's nice to be back to my "old me", I pause. I'm actually not. As much as I look like I am, and most of the time act like I am, so many things have changed.
The "new me" is cautious, apprehensive, more sensitive and careful. The "new me" is also still giving and a do'er. I'm aware that I don't go at the old speed but I really want to and I'm ok with it, most of the time. Don't feel sorry for me though, just please have patience if you see me struggling with anxiety or words.
I've been encouraged to get out into the community and do things again. As I was arriving at a small event one evening, I called Dwayne and cried. I sat in the parking lot filled with anxiety about walking into the building. Turned out, I was late and when I walked in the speaker had already started. Kind of mixed blessings. No visiting and small talk, something I'm not good at anymore. I panicked and then my friend saw me and shuffled me to the back to a chair. It was good.
Why the tears? I have no clue. I sat by myself and enjoyed the evening.
When people ask me if it's nice to be back to my "old me", I pause. I'm actually not. As much as I look like I am, and most of the time act like I am, so many things have changed.
The "new me" is cautious, apprehensive, more sensitive and careful. The "new me" is also still giving and a do'er. I'm aware that I don't go at the old speed but I really want to and I'm ok with it, most of the time. Don't feel sorry for me though, just please have patience if you see me struggling with anxiety or words.
I've been encouraged to get out into the community and do things again. As I was arriving at a small event one evening, I called Dwayne and cried. I sat in the parking lot filled with anxiety about walking into the building. Turned out, I was late and when I walked in the speaker had already started. Kind of mixed blessings. No visiting and small talk, something I'm not good at anymore. I panicked and then my friend saw me and shuffled me to the back to a chair. It was good.
Why the tears? I have no clue. I sat by myself and enjoyed the evening.
So now, I'm taking on new things to learn. Expanding my neuro receptors.
Painting. I didn't know I could paint!
Bee keeping. I'm loving learning about bees and look forward to getting my own hives next spring.
More knitting. Helping with BC Hop Co and BeerBQ. And napping :)
Also, I'll do an update next week with some interesting health stuff going on. It's shit. Specialist appointment on Tuesday.
Love love,
Di
xo
Results...
The news!
On Feb 25th I had an MRI, a usual follow-up. Some of my instagram followers saw my before and after photos, complete with my facial flush from the Ativan. I am very claustrophobic and really would love to be put out fully for the MRI but I'll take any drugs I can to help :)
On March 9th, I saw Dr Matishak (neurosurgeon) for my results. As we went through the slides of my brain one by one, with contrast and without. We were pleasantly surprised.....my brain is practically PERFECT!!!
About 8 months ago, I had a small node that he was watching along with thickened scar tissue. The nodule is GONE! Like completely. There is still thickening scar tissue but that is to expected, as someone went in with a scalpel and a bone saw! There's a shadow of the edema that was present and I'm not sure what that's about. We were completely amazed! Thanked the Dr and were told to see him in a year. By the time we got to the elevator, I was still in shock and Dwayne had tears in his eyes. Finally....we can breathe!! Something we truly haven't been able to do since that fateful day in Aug 2013.
We called Sarah and told her, Dwayne and she joked that while physically my brain may look fine, the level of crazy is still very high :) My sister has confirmed that it's hereditary! (tied with a bow and handed down from our Mother)
Brain stuff is so difficult to deal with. It's like a puzzle, and I seem to be missing some pieces! My brain injury support group is very helpful in keeping me from spiralling into "I'm an idiot" "I should be able to do this" "Why can't I remember that_____(insert thing/person etc)"
These days I'm taking art therapy on Tuesdays where I'm learning to paint. My Dad is an amazing painter, but it's not something I've ever learned. When I'm done my painting next week, maybe I'll share it.
Thank you for loving me, for loving us!!
xoxo
On Feb 25th I had an MRI, a usual follow-up. Some of my instagram followers saw my before and after photos, complete with my facial flush from the Ativan. I am very claustrophobic and really would love to be put out fully for the MRI but I'll take any drugs I can to help :)
On March 9th, I saw Dr Matishak (neurosurgeon) for my results. As we went through the slides of my brain one by one, with contrast and without. We were pleasantly surprised.....my brain is practically PERFECT!!!
About 8 months ago, I had a small node that he was watching along with thickened scar tissue. The nodule is GONE! Like completely. There is still thickening scar tissue but that is to expected, as someone went in with a scalpel and a bone saw! There's a shadow of the edema that was present and I'm not sure what that's about. We were completely amazed! Thanked the Dr and were told to see him in a year. By the time we got to the elevator, I was still in shock and Dwayne had tears in his eyes. Finally....we can breathe!! Something we truly haven't been able to do since that fateful day in Aug 2013.
We called Sarah and told her, Dwayne and she joked that while physically my brain may look fine, the level of crazy is still very high :) My sister has confirmed that it's hereditary! (tied with a bow and handed down from our Mother)
Brain stuff is so difficult to deal with. It's like a puzzle, and I seem to be missing some pieces! My brain injury support group is very helpful in keeping me from spiralling into "I'm an idiot" "I should be able to do this" "Why can't I remember that_____(insert thing/person etc)"
These days I'm taking art therapy on Tuesdays where I'm learning to paint. My Dad is an amazing painter, but it's not something I've ever learned. When I'm done my painting next week, maybe I'll share it.
Thank you for loving me, for loving us!!
xoxo
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Neuro
I'm off to see my neuro surgeon this morning. I'm so lucky to have a great Dr who is caring and kind and doesn't rush through our visits. Yesterday wasn't a great day, headache all day, an almost 3hr nap knocked it down a bit but not totally. Dr M will send me for an MRI which is not my favourite thing but gives us a good view of what's going on.
So, I've had my oatmeal and honey this morning to calm my nerves. I'm not great with this. Weird.
Any extra calming thoughts, fairy dust, prayers would be welcome. Not for anything except that I'm nervous for neuro Dr stuff.
xo Di
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Word of the Year......
Last year was the first year I chose a word to help define my year. Erika helped to encourage me to do this, she's done it for years. From my last post of 2015, you maybe read that last year's word was Strength. Having a word for a my year helped to remind me of the....purpose? No, the direction? No. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. It kept me on track with a constant reminder. Just a little one :)
This year I have put quite a bit of thought into my word. I've tried out lots of words. Feeling them (sounds silly) to see if they'd fit my way of being, of direction, of need. Our 2015 year has been better than 2014 and 2013 and I know that 2016 will be even better! SOOOO, my word of the year is.....
This year I have put quite a bit of thought into my word. I've tried out lots of words. Feeling them (sounds silly) to see if they'd fit my way of being, of direction, of need. Our 2015 year has been better than 2014 and 2013 and I know that 2016 will be even better! SOOOO, my word of the year is.....
Happiness and joy are so similar to many but to me are quite different in my need. Happiness may be more materialistic but joy can be felt in my heart. I will endeavour to do things. With or without my family and friends that I want to do, rather than waiting and do the things only they want to do. Self-care. I will speak up about what I want instead of wondering what the "right answer" is. Instead of always putting myself last, I will ensure that JOY is in my heart. Laughter. Kindness. Gentleness.
This may sound super selfish, it's not meant to sound that way at all. I have always put myself last, never spoken up with what I really want to do (outings, visits, time) and lately I realized I'm missing out on my own life. Giving to others allows me to expand myself but only if it brings me joy. So from now on, only things that lift me up and truly bring me.....well, you know!
Let's encourage one another to be the best we can be in 2016!
With much love,
Di
xo
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Goodbye 2015....
Why is it that I don't feel like it could possibly be 2016? I still feel like I'm stuck in 2012 or even 2011!!
This year my word was Strength. I tried to work it in to many aspects of my life. Thoughts (the hardest). Physical. Relationships, you get the picture. I didn't "get" my word until well into January and was surprised at it's appearance. My friend, Erika, has chosen a word for her year each year for many years and her encouragement was why I decided to go ahead and do this. A positive, single word to help you define your year.
So, this year I started seeing a Naturopath to start getting my body stronger. She and I are working on fixing so many things that have cropped up and fixing negative effects from meds I take for headaches and anxiety. Strength.
This year has been a year of growth for our family in many ways. Our Valley Hops and BC Hop Company have moved forward in huge ways! BC Hop Fest took place on Oct 3rd (my 2-year brain-aversary) with only 8 weeks planning. A US delegation, many dignitaries, farm tours, 17 breweries and culinary vendors, over 500 tickets sold out, amazing bands and a waiting list for next year!! Strength...to not cave daily under the pressure or cry when I couldn't remember what I was actually doing!
For Thanksgiving this year, we hosted my family for dinner, all 20 plus a few friends. My first big dinner since my surgery! Table laid out. Turkey and ham cooked. Pot luck items arriving. It was tiring and amazing to look around the table to see our family and a few friends and the sheer amount of love that poured into each dish. Strength...to love those that we love, when all else has failed.
At Christmas, we hosted 2 dinners. A 3-course plated company dinner for 16 people, lovingly prepared by moi! My amazing helpers who stepped up when they saw I was drowning, Jodi and Megan, know my limitations and Jodi also knows when to just step in and take charge. She's the only one I will take direction from! The second dinner was on the 28th of December and was Dwayne's family dinner. It was a small group of us but gave us the space to visit. Apparently I need to make lists of what I'm serving as I forgot the mashed potatoes and Dwayne had to remind me after the food had been passed around and completely forgot the homemade (amazing!!) baked beans, which we ate the next day! Strength...to not be angry at myself!
Today, I sit in the glow of the sun. Our area still has a fair amount of snow on the ground. It's glistening. It's beautiful. I'm so proud of the Strength that I was able to dig up when I needed to this year. The kids got me an adult colouring book for christmas, which I'm loving! I think my word is figured out for next year. It came to me the other day, but I didn't think it would be that easy, so I kept searching. I'll let you know about my word in January :) I wonder if I chose "millions" to be my word that would just appear too!
Thank you for loving me, us, for this year again and still. Happy New Year my sweet friends and amazing family!
With love,
Di xoxo
This year my word was Strength. I tried to work it in to many aspects of my life. Thoughts (the hardest). Physical. Relationships, you get the picture. I didn't "get" my word until well into January and was surprised at it's appearance. My friend, Erika, has chosen a word for her year each year for many years and her encouragement was why I decided to go ahead and do this. A positive, single word to help you define your year.
So, this year I started seeing a Naturopath to start getting my body stronger. She and I are working on fixing so many things that have cropped up and fixing negative effects from meds I take for headaches and anxiety. Strength.
This year has been a year of growth for our family in many ways. Our Valley Hops and BC Hop Company have moved forward in huge ways! BC Hop Fest took place on Oct 3rd (my 2-year brain-aversary) with only 8 weeks planning. A US delegation, many dignitaries, farm tours, 17 breweries and culinary vendors, over 500 tickets sold out, amazing bands and a waiting list for next year!! Strength...to not cave daily under the pressure or cry when I couldn't remember what I was actually doing!
For Thanksgiving this year, we hosted my family for dinner, all 20 plus a few friends. My first big dinner since my surgery! Table laid out. Turkey and ham cooked. Pot luck items arriving. It was tiring and amazing to look around the table to see our family and a few friends and the sheer amount of love that poured into each dish. Strength...to love those that we love, when all else has failed.
At Christmas, we hosted 2 dinners. A 3-course plated company dinner for 16 people, lovingly prepared by moi! My amazing helpers who stepped up when they saw I was drowning, Jodi and Megan, know my limitations and Jodi also knows when to just step in and take charge. She's the only one I will take direction from! The second dinner was on the 28th of December and was Dwayne's family dinner. It was a small group of us but gave us the space to visit. Apparently I need to make lists of what I'm serving as I forgot the mashed potatoes and Dwayne had to remind me after the food had been passed around and completely forgot the homemade (amazing!!) baked beans, which we ate the next day! Strength...to not be angry at myself!
Today, I sit in the glow of the sun. Our area still has a fair amount of snow on the ground. It's glistening. It's beautiful. I'm so proud of the Strength that I was able to dig up when I needed to this year. The kids got me an adult colouring book for christmas, which I'm loving! I think my word is figured out for next year. It came to me the other day, but I didn't think it would be that easy, so I kept searching. I'll let you know about my word in January :) I wonder if I chose "millions" to be my word that would just appear too!
Thank you for loving me, us, for this year again and still. Happy New Year my sweet friends and amazing family!
With love,
Di xoxo
Monday, October 19, 2015
New learning
I love learning new things! I've always believed that if you're not growing, you're dying, so I try to continue to 'grow' even if slowly and in sometimes strange ways.
This past weekend I did something that I've wanted to do for quite a long time, I learned how to mushroom forage and identify. While this is strange to most people, it is amazing to me. The forests around our world have prizes, like an easter egg hunt, for us to explore and find.
We arrived on Friday at Evans Lake Camp in Squamish and settled in to our cabin. On Saturday morning we met the rest of our group that made up 25 in total. We spent the morning doing class time (so thankful for handouts to refer to!!) and then we headed out for a gorgeous hike in the woods in the afternoon to collect Golden Chanterelles, Winter Chanterelles, Angels Wings and Elfin Saddles. We learned so many great ID procedures and checked our books and programs for our others mushrooms we'd picked for those purposes. On Sunday, we picked more Winter Chanterelles and pickled them to take home.
We were also fortunate enough to find an AMAZING Lobster Mushroom. This is a crazy non-mushroom actually. It starts as an inedible white mushroom called Russula Brevipes and then this mushroom is infected with a mold that turns it into an edible Lobster Mushroom. It's got a slight lobster smell and flavour and when it's cut it looks like lobster meat. Very cool!! We also found numerous Matsutake Mushrooms (Pine Mushroom) on our way out of camp.
Needless to say, dinner last night was steak and mushrooms!! All sorts of great mushrooms, sauteed only with butter so that their flavours could be tasted fully. I LOVE MUSHROOMS!
I'm headed out today to our forest behind our home to see what I can find. I'm sure there are some great prizes. Now I know how to do some ID and what could be deadly or inedible, I'll be sure to be careful.
My friend and I sure had a great time! Our adventures are going to continue!
Love to all!
Di
xo
This past weekend I did something that I've wanted to do for quite a long time, I learned how to mushroom forage and identify. While this is strange to most people, it is amazing to me. The forests around our world have prizes, like an easter egg hunt, for us to explore and find.
We arrived on Friday at Evans Lake Camp in Squamish and settled in to our cabin. On Saturday morning we met the rest of our group that made up 25 in total. We spent the morning doing class time (so thankful for handouts to refer to!!) and then we headed out for a gorgeous hike in the woods in the afternoon to collect Golden Chanterelles, Winter Chanterelles, Angels Wings and Elfin Saddles. We learned so many great ID procedures and checked our books and programs for our others mushrooms we'd picked for those purposes. On Sunday, we picked more Winter Chanterelles and pickled them to take home.
We were also fortunate enough to find an AMAZING Lobster Mushroom. This is a crazy non-mushroom actually. It starts as an inedible white mushroom called Russula Brevipes and then this mushroom is infected with a mold that turns it into an edible Lobster Mushroom. It's got a slight lobster smell and flavour and when it's cut it looks like lobster meat. Very cool!! We also found numerous Matsutake Mushrooms (Pine Mushroom) on our way out of camp.
Needless to say, dinner last night was steak and mushrooms!! All sorts of great mushrooms, sauteed only with butter so that their flavours could be tasted fully. I LOVE MUSHROOMS!
I'm headed out today to our forest behind our home to see what I can find. I'm sure there are some great prizes. Now I know how to do some ID and what could be deadly or inedible, I'll be sure to be careful.
My friend and I sure had a great time! Our adventures are going to continue!
Love to all!
Di
xo
Friday, October 9, 2015
What a crazy 8 weeks....2 year brain-aversary
On Aug 3rd 2015, Dwayne breezed into the family room and casually asked "what about a beer festival celebrating wet hopped beer?". I starred at him. Computing. Thinking. Then with enthusiasm answered with "why not!". Well, you don't know what you don't know!!
We'd never been to a beer festival, ever. Never been to a festival that included going booth to booth like this (except for a farmers market). We got ahold of Donna Dixson, who as it turned out would be our fairy godmother, and the 3 of us embarked on what would be less than 60 days of planning. We thought we had it all under control and were totally confident....until we attended the GCBF in Victoria on Sept 11. We had NO idea! We snuck 'back stage', questioned volunteers, asked security, took copious pictures and realized, we hadn't really scratched the surface. GAH! With less than a month to go, I began to panic internally.
We had amazing sponsors, vendors and support for our very first year. Ticket sales were lagging, we thought but we were told to be patient. Volunteers were pouring in with friends offering help and strangers coming forward. I was thrilled.
Donna, Dwayne and I met constantly to ensure we were covering everything. The Province did a story with BC Hop Company on the cover (THE COVER!!) on Sept 7th, which helped start a month of free media. CFOX picked that up and came out for an interview. Donna was amazing with media releases and we were everywhere!
Fast forward to Oct 3rd, the day of the event. It was a beautiful day on the farm. Windy but sunny. I was so great. WE WERE SOLD OUT!!! Brewers were thrilled with the event, patrons loved it, food trucks sold out, bands were great. Can't wait for next year!
Now, a week later, I'm sleeping constantly. I loved being needed, engaged and useful. I've never been so tired after a project though. Dwayne is away this week and I'm secretly thankful as I can nap whenever I need to and sleep until later in the morning :) The project was an amazing thing for me to witness from a place of awareness (does that make sense?). I was very aware of the fits of anger or tears that overcame me when I least expected them. I knew when I needed to put the computer down and go lay down. It was like seeing myself from outside of my own body on occasion.
Okay now I'm not even making sense to me. Clearly I need to put the computer down.....
Thank you to everyone for your support, love, notes and reminders of self care. Oct 3rd (event day) was my 2 year brain-aversary, we celebrated BIG!
With Love,
Di
xo
We'd never been to a beer festival, ever. Never been to a festival that included going booth to booth like this (except for a farmers market). We got ahold of Donna Dixson, who as it turned out would be our fairy godmother, and the 3 of us embarked on what would be less than 60 days of planning. We thought we had it all under control and were totally confident....until we attended the GCBF in Victoria on Sept 11. We had NO idea! We snuck 'back stage', questioned volunteers, asked security, took copious pictures and realized, we hadn't really scratched the surface. GAH! With less than a month to go, I began to panic internally.
We had amazing sponsors, vendors and support for our very first year. Ticket sales were lagging, we thought but we were told to be patient. Volunteers were pouring in with friends offering help and strangers coming forward. I was thrilled.
Donna, Dwayne and I met constantly to ensure we were covering everything. The Province did a story with BC Hop Company on the cover (THE COVER!!) on Sept 7th, which helped start a month of free media. CFOX picked that up and came out for an interview. Donna was amazing with media releases and we were everywhere!
Fast forward to Oct 3rd, the day of the event. It was a beautiful day on the farm. Windy but sunny. I was so great. WE WERE SOLD OUT!!! Brewers were thrilled with the event, patrons loved it, food trucks sold out, bands were great. Can't wait for next year!
Now, a week later, I'm sleeping constantly. I loved being needed, engaged and useful. I've never been so tired after a project though. Dwayne is away this week and I'm secretly thankful as I can nap whenever I need to and sleep until later in the morning :) The project was an amazing thing for me to witness from a place of awareness (does that make sense?). I was very aware of the fits of anger or tears that overcame me when I least expected them. I knew when I needed to put the computer down and go lay down. It was like seeing myself from outside of my own body on occasion.
Okay now I'm not even making sense to me. Clearly I need to put the computer down.....
Thank you to everyone for your support, love, notes and reminders of self care. Oct 3rd (event day) was my 2 year brain-aversary, we celebrated BIG!
With Love,
Di
xo
Monday, July 27, 2015
Paying attention...
I have the attention span of a knat. My mum will say I always did (I'm sure my dad will agree) but now I get exhausted when I get to my "glazed over point". At brain group this morning, we had a discussion about this. I've become increasingly frustrated with my inability to stay on task longer than about 90mins. I get exhausted. My brain needs a break. I yawn. I could put my head down and nap at that very moment!
The other day during a business meeting at our home, we were working with an IT guy on some items and I was suddenly done. I knew this. I wandered off and did laundry, hoping this would help focus me...it didn't. I tried to get back into the meeting. Flitting off to do other things here and there to try to re-constitute my energy didn't work. I was told by other ABI people this morning next time to sit quietly for 10 mins or so and rest, it'll help more than moving to another task. Noted. Brain breaks...needed!
On another note, BC Hop Company had been born! We've got Valley Hops going strong and now BC Hop Co is moving up. We are getting into the floral sector with our hops now, breweries In the fall and the culinary world next spring. It is exciting and wonderful to be focusing on such amazing growth of farming and revitalization! Check us out of fb, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.
I'm off to nap now after my brain group session this morning. That is a mentally taxing 2 hours too.
I hope you are enjoying summer fun with family and friends!!
Love,
Di
Xo
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
July 9...or is it the 8th
July 9th is the date that Dwayne and I have been together since we started dating. We've always thought it was the 9th until he found an old day timer (anyone remember those??) and the 8th was marked with a memo, "date with Diane". So now, I think we should celebrate both!! Tee hee
This year is 27 years since that first date. Hard to believe really. I don't seem old enough. He was 16 and I was 18 (ya, ya, I'm the older but not wiser woman!). Crazy to look at our kids and their ages and know that we were already connected.
I can't believe how things have changed in our lives and in the world in these years. The path has been bumpy at times but it's always been an adventure and full of love and promise.
Love!! Di
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Transparency and naturopath
A balancing act. I've learned how to smile and nod and simply say "I'm doing fine" or just "well thank-you" when asked how I am. The way I am face to face is so different than how I am in writing. I don't have to see your eyes (look in 'dem eyes) or admit that I slept like crap. I admit, I used to put everything on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Just recently, I've pulled back and rarely post on Facebook anymore. Not because I don't want you to know, but, how much is too transparent? How much info is too much? Do people really care? So if you care, shoot me a note, I'll respond!
Also:
I've found a naturopath. She's fantastic!
With headaches increasing and still being so very tired, my GP was only increasing my meds to fix things. His constant answer to my exhaustion was sleep apnea. I've been tested, no I don't! (It's right there in my file)
I inquired with my Dr about some things I'd researched specifically (after some blood work came back), and he was quick to point out that most naturopaths are quacks. Let me have you understand, I really like my Dr, a lot. He's very compassionate. He listens. I know that most things on the net are posted by quacks, I get it!
Anyhoo, I decided to consult a naturopath. Bloodwork and a visit later. There are some (ok, many) answers. She's working with me on all sorts of things. Mostly getting my sleeping better and exhaustion under control. I'm anemic. Like on a scale of 70, I'm an 8. That's a failing grade!!!! I had some other items that are of concern that she is working on with me. Together we are getting this body back in fighting form!!
Thanks for reading!
Love love!
Di
xo
Ps if you're 45 and having night sweats, go have your hormones checked, it's not normal!!!
Sunday, May 31, 2015
So long May
The beginning of May (actually the end of April, my birthday) marks the "trifecta of doom" as Dwayne calls it. He has my birthday, Mother's Day and our anniversary in a 1 month period. This year was quiet as celebrating went. My birthday celebration on May 2nd was a mini-burning woman celebration complete with a couple of tutus and head dresses for those that would wear them. A big Bonfire, some good food and great friends! A truly low key evening with only 10 in total. Missed quite a few dear friends but they were with me in my heart :)
Mother's Day was crazy with my whole family at our home, pot luck style and splashing in the pool. It's great to look out and see the mayhem, but be able to wander away when I need to have a brain break. So lovely to celebrate the Mama's in our family!
Our anniversary, on May 23rd was our 23rd this year. We went to a nice little restaurant in North Van and then to a local production of HMS Pinafore (a musical). Bless Dwaynes heart, he nearly fell asleep but he definitely took one for the team and did something he knew I'd love!
May has seen our family solidify a bit more and find our strength. The sunny weather is welcome here always!
The pool is open, bring your towels and come on by!!!
Love,
Diane
xo
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
"Blog like no one is reading"
I loved this title left in a comment left by my sweet cousin Sally, from England. So, from here on in, I will write this way. Some good, some bad and some down right ugly. Good times! Thank you Sally (and others) for encouraging me to voice my thoughts in such a way <3
Brain Group: Yes there is such a thing! We are a group of people who all have brain injuries who get together once a month and discuss how we are working towards our new normal (don't get me really started on that word!!). How to cope with my new limitations is my biggest kryponite... I should, I used to, I'm stupid, what an idiot. All things that are or have been part of my vocabulary or thought patterns. Brain group, run by Fraser Valley Brain Injury Assoc, has taught me that while all of those things I used to do may not be in my wheel house any more, I have other things that I'm good at and I get to focus more on those. It's taken a long while to come "out of the woods" and see the forest behind me.
Reading is an issue. I haven't read a book since my surgery. While I wasn't an avid reader before, I certainly read. I love Jodi Picoult books....LOVE THEM! I've been working on the book Wild now for a month and I'm on page 15. gah!!! I can't focus on the words, they float everywhere and make zero sense to me. Does that sound dumb? Sure does to me!! So far, great book though :)
I still can't do much gardening without days of headaches but I love gardening, I really love it! It's the upside down thing, headaches like you wouldn't even believe. So I just know that I have to have a couple of quiet days after gardening days. Seems odd to the 'old' me but it's the way it is. That being said, I plowed through (pun intended) my gardening this weekend with Cam's help and got the majority of it done. Now I rest!
I had a lovely Mother's Day too! Cam bought me some treats and Sarah sent me a beautiful video where she sang for me. I had ugly tears! Then our whole family (minus Sarah) arrived to celebrate the Moms in our family around the pool and on our deck. Dwayne, Jarrod and Stu did the cooking which was lovely.
Happy Mother's Day 2015!
Love Diane
xo
Brain Group: Yes there is such a thing! We are a group of people who all have brain injuries who get together once a month and discuss how we are working towards our new normal (don't get me really started on that word!!). How to cope with my new limitations is my biggest kryponite... I should, I used to, I'm stupid, what an idiot. All things that are or have been part of my vocabulary or thought patterns. Brain group, run by Fraser Valley Brain Injury Assoc, has taught me that while all of those things I used to do may not be in my wheel house any more, I have other things that I'm good at and I get to focus more on those. It's taken a long while to come "out of the woods" and see the forest behind me.
Reading is an issue. I haven't read a book since my surgery. While I wasn't an avid reader before, I certainly read. I love Jodi Picoult books....LOVE THEM! I've been working on the book Wild now for a month and I'm on page 15. gah!!! I can't focus on the words, they float everywhere and make zero sense to me. Does that sound dumb? Sure does to me!! So far, great book though :)
I still can't do much gardening without days of headaches but I love gardening, I really love it! It's the upside down thing, headaches like you wouldn't even believe. So I just know that I have to have a couple of quiet days after gardening days. Seems odd to the 'old' me but it's the way it is. That being said, I plowed through (pun intended) my gardening this weekend with Cam's help and got the majority of it done. Now I rest!
I had a lovely Mother's Day too! Cam bought me some treats and Sarah sent me a beautiful video where she sang for me. I had ugly tears! Then our whole family (minus Sarah) arrived to celebrate the Moms in our family around the pool and on our deck. Dwayne, Jarrod and Stu did the cooking which was lovely.
Happy Mother's Day 2015!
Love Diane
xo
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Words...otherwise known as "S?!t mom says"
While funny some of time, it's weird. The words come out of my mouth and I know they're wrong. The food isn't in the washer. There isn't a unicycle on the road. No, it's not chicken porn. Embarrassing. I don't need to be reminded about those, as soon as they come out (and I hear them) I know they are wrong, I just didn't know it in my mind. I hear things wrong and then I say things wrong and at the wrong times.
I find myself becoming quieter and more withdrawn. The ones I love have become more critical and I will use those words against me in the worst ways. 'Friends' can be walked away from but family is with us daily. It's hard to comprehend.
I know that things are different and I know I don't do well in crowds but how do I make others understand that? Those who don't see me often?
My knitting does not criticize me :) I'm currently working on a blanket for Cam and that is lovely. I am also using time daily to search out grants for our company and work on them. Gives me some brain work, and that's good!! Sunny days are amazing too. Outside in the gardens and getting veggies going. Hands in dirt, love it!!!! Must go outside and fertilize the garlic :)
Love
Diane 
Monday, April 6, 2015
I'm back...the great debate
Yes, it's been a debate. To blog or not to blog. Is it a judgement platform, an information system or way for me to get my thoughts out? I'm hoping it's the last two things but my fear that blogging includes judgement. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's that my thoughts and writing are not what they used to be, they run away, are jumbled, spiral out of control, more emotional and words are not always properly used. Thank goodness for spell check!! Please excuse the oddness of my posts.
March was brain injury awareness month. I did quite a bit of self evaluation. How am I? Do I measure up? Who cares!! I'm doing the best I can. Ok ok, I actually care, I really do. I'm pleased with where I am compared to a year ago (oh ya, I'm at 18months post surgery!!). I still get exhausted after busy days. Easter weekend has wiped me out so it'll take me a couple of days to recover, but I'm better at being gentle with myself. Sarah is good at reminding me to drink loads of water and drinking my dark green juice.
Dwayne is amazing at reminding me to nap.
On the outside I look 'normal' (whatever that is, don't get me started). It's hard that the inside doesn't measure up. I used to host dinners and have friends over all the time. Now, the thought of doing that regularly, scares me. I'm sad, because I miss it, a lot. So now, when people ask me how I am, I simply say "today is a good day" or "it's been a good week". I don't want to go into it. And I could just stay home and knit all by myself all day :)
Ok, that was a rant, or something!!
This picture is from March 31 on the way to the Brain injury awareness meetup
Love
Diane
Xoxo
Monday, February 24, 2014
Catching up
I have back dated many new posts (and many more in the next few days). This is a journey for me and also for you to witness. For months I haven't updated my blog. I will be honest....
I'm embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed that I don't write like I used to. That my mind isn't working like it did. I get frustrated, worried, sad, disappointed and most of all, embarrassed. While I get that this is my journey back to health, I wonder whether people think I should be further ahead than I am. Yes, I still worry about what people think (less than I used to though!).
My processing isn't up to what it was and my 'funny bone' isn't quite re-installed yet. Ok, that was a little bit funny...or was it?
I've been writing but not publishing, hoping that I could go back and polish up each post. It wouldn't truly reflect how far I've come if I do that. Robynn, was the one to point out that showing my progress to others and especially myself, would be a good reason to continue. I've been procrastinating because of fear.
Be kind ;)
xo
D
I'm embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed that I don't write like I used to. That my mind isn't working like it did. I get frustrated, worried, sad, disappointed and most of all, embarrassed. While I get that this is my journey back to health, I wonder whether people think I should be further ahead than I am. Yes, I still worry about what people think (less than I used to though!).
My processing isn't up to what it was and my 'funny bone' isn't quite re-installed yet. Ok, that was a little bit funny...or was it?
I've been writing but not publishing, hoping that I could go back and polish up each post. It wouldn't truly reflect how far I've come if I do that. Robynn, was the one to point out that showing my progress to others and especially myself, would be a good reason to continue. I've been procrastinating because of fear.
Be kind ;)
xo
D
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